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In God We Trust?

7 Jan

A three-year long exercise in futility mercifully came to an end yesterday, as Chuck Grassley’s investigation into misuse of funds by televangelist scam artists concluded the thieves did nothing illegal. Not even Kenneth Copeland, Creflo Dollar, Paula White, or Eddie Long – the four that decided cooperation with the same government that gives them tax-exempt status was not an option.

The entire Christian machine backed the criminals, for fear they too might have to one day face judgement for their actions. It’s all about Freedom of Religion. The lack of a “wall of separation” between church and state. In other words, as long as you throw the name of God into the mix, you can get away with whatever the hell you want. The Almighty trumps the I.R.S. every time. (Well, except the time Jimmy Carter instructed the I.R. S. to deny tax-exempt status to any private school that refused to end discriminatory policies. Thus forcing the birth of the Moral Majority, and we all know how that turned out.)

After all, this is a Christian Nation. And the very same people who will fight to the death to turn America into a theocracy are the very same people who would declare war against the government if our chosen faith were that of Islam…

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Scoops and Predictions

3 Jan

Christians know with certainty that so-called “ObamaCare” will not be repealed, nor will Lady Gaga’s soon to be released album be the best-selling album of all time, nor will the Red Sox win this year’s World Series. Ridiculous, you say. One thing that should be a lock is Boston, with all their recent acquisitions. Sorry, but God has spoken.

According to Scripture, the world will come to an end on May 21, 2011. Not enough time for Republicans to kill healthcare reform. Not enough time for any album to set records. Not enough time to get to the Fall Classic.

From Tom Breen, of the A.P:

RALEIGH, N.C. – If there had been time, Marie Exley would have liked to start a family. Instead, the 32-year-old Army veteran has less than six months left, which she’ll spend spreading a stark warning: Judgment Day is almost here.

Exley is part of a movement of Christians loosely organized by radio broadcasts and websites, independent of churches and convinced by their reading of the Bible that the end of the world will begin May 21, 2011.

Ridiculous, you say. Matthew 24:36 states that no one can know the exact date when Jesus is supposed to return to save the people he wants to save from unbearable suffering here on earth and then eternal torment burning in the flames of hell. If you’re dumb enough to believe that nonsense – that no one can know – you must not be a true Christian. Human intelligence has evolved beyond the scope of Jesus’ teachings. In essence, we’re smarter than God.

This urgent revelation, about the world coming to and end and stuff, comes from none other than the President. That’s Harold Camping, President of the largest Christian radio conglomerate, Family Stations, Inc. He’s the same guy who said the Rapture would occur in September of 1994. In October of 1994, he said he had miscalculated. But now, he’s got it right. What if he’s wrong again?

According to Allison Warden, another true believer: “If May 21 passes and I’m still here, that means I wasn’t saved. Does that mean God’s word is inaccurate or untrue? Not at all.”

Whatever…

It’s still raining.

19 May

While the oil rises in the Gulf, Rand Paul and Pat Toomey are ready to lead America back to the twentieth century.

Is it already over for Orlando and Los Suns?

It is already over for The Ghost Whisperer.

Guess what? The Red Sox actually beat the Yankees last night!

Let’s try this again.

17 May

I’m Not Afraid to ask why Eminem’s topping the charts over both Bobby Ray and Drake.

Republican Congressman Don “Bridge to Nowhere” Young is not afraid to ask for even more earmarks, even after his own party pressed for a moratorium on pork-spending. See, the GOP opposes tax-and-spend Democrats. Republicans believe in don’t-tax-but-spend-anyway.

On the here we go again front, why is everyone so amazed the Celtics took game one over Orlando? It’s called D E F E N S E, people!

Later…

Testing, testing, 1… 2… 3…

14 May

Have you heard this joke yet? Which Senator objected to making BP responsible for the damage the oil spill is causing? Lisa Murkowski, Republican from Alaska! That one happens to be true.

Speaking of losers, what happened to the Cavaliers? Beantown gave them a serious beatdown. Is LeBron’s problem his elbow, or his heart?

Finally, did you know Private Practice aired its season finale last night? No one did! With their plummeting ratings, I think network tv has jumped the shark. Why not have just one show on ABC, NBC, CBS, and Fox. You could call it Extreme Amazing Undercover Idol Survivor.

Later…