In God We Trust?

A three-year long exercise in futility mercifully came to an end yesterday, as Chuck Grassley’s investigation into misuse of funds by televangelist scam artists concluded the thieves did nothing illegal. Not even Kenneth Copeland, Creflo Dollar, Paula White, or Eddie Long – the four that decided cooperation with the same government that gives them tax-exempt status was not an option.

The entire Christian machine backed the criminals, for fear they too might have to one day face judgement for their actions. It’s all about Freedom of Religion. The lack of a “wall of separation” between church and state. In other words, as long as you throw the name of God into the mix, you can get away with whatever the hell you want. The Almighty trumps the I.R.S. every time. (Well, except the time Jimmy Carter instructed the I.R. S. to deny tax-exempt status to any private school that refused to end discriminatory policies. Thus forcing the birth of the Moral Majority, and we all know how that turned out.)

After all, this is a Christian Nation. And the very same people who will fight to the death to turn America into a theocracy are the very same people who would declare war against the government if our chosen faith were that of Islam…

Scoops and Predictions

Christians know with certainty that so-called “ObamaCare” will not be repealed, nor will Lady Gaga’s soon to be released album be the best-selling album of all time, nor will the Red Sox win this year’s World Series. Ridiculous, you say. One thing that should be a lock is Boston, with all their recent acquisitions. Sorry, but God has spoken.

According to Scripture, the world will come to an end on May 21, 2011. Not enough time for Republicans to kill healthcare reform. Not enough time for any album to set records. Not enough time to get to the Fall Classic.

From Tom Breen, of the A.P:

RALEIGH, N.C. – If there had been time, Marie Exley would have liked to start a family. Instead, the 32-year-old Army veteran has less than six months left, which she’ll spend spreading a stark warning: Judgment Day is almost here.

Exley is part of a movement of Christians loosely organized by radio broadcasts and websites, independent of churches and convinced by their reading of the Bible that the end of the world will begin May 21, 2011.

Ridiculous, you say. Matthew 24:36 states that no one can know the exact date when Jesus is supposed to return to save the people he wants to save from unbearable suffering here on earth and then eternal torment burning in the flames of hell. If you’re dumb enough to believe that nonsense – that no one can know – you must not be a true Christian. Human intelligence has evolved beyond the scope of Jesus’ teachings. In essence, we’re smarter than God.

This urgent revelation, about the world coming to and end and stuff, comes from none other than the President. That’s Harold Camping, President of the largest Christian radio conglomerate, Family Stations, Inc. He’s the same guy who said the Rapture would occur in September of 1994. In October of 1994, he said he had miscalculated. But now, he’s got it right. What if he’s wrong again?

According to Allison Warden, another true believer: “If May 21 passes and I’m still here, that means I wasn’t saved. Does that mean God’s word is inaccurate or untrue? Not at all.”

Whatever…

Thank you, Patrick!

“Is this the sort of thing that George Washington or our founders would be proud of?” asked Missouri Congressman Todd Akin (R).

“We’re dissing the troops, that’s what we’re doing. We’re disrespecting them.” said California Congressman Howard McKeon (R).

Well, the House passed Pennsylvania Congressman Patrick Murphy’s amendment which would end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, presumably this December. Final vote: 234-194.

Murphy, who fought in Bosnia and Iraq, put it this way: “When I served in Baghdad, my team didn’t care whether a fellow soldier was gay. We cared if they could fire their M-4 assault rifle or run a convoy down Ambush alley … do their job so that everyone in our unit could get home safely.”

The country overwhelmingly agrees with Patrick Murphy, while only a few right-wing extremist homophobes agree with Akin and McKeon.

Looks like we’re finally going to win one.

Finally…

It took long enough, but now we know the truth. Although technically the Deepwater Horizon was owned by Transocean, although technically the Deepwater Horizon was leased to British Petroleum, although technically the Deepwater Horizon’s Port of Registry was Majuro, of the Marshall Islands, although technically the Deepwater Horizon was built by Hyundai Heavy Industries, although technically the Deepwater Horizon was upgraded in 2002 with an “e-drill” maintenance and troubleshooting monitor, although technically the Deepwater Horizon’ s casing cementing procedure was done by Halliburton contractors, there is only one individual responsible for the worst man-made disaster in history.

That individual is President Barack Obama.

We have the evidence on tape. During today’s news conference, the President admitted in unequivocal terms that he alone was to blame. If ever there were an impeachable offense, this is it. Lest we forget, eleven people died the day the rig went up in flames.

Why is this man not in prison?

We’re at war.

He served in Bosnia and Iraq. He was awarded the Bronze Star for Service. Now, Congressman Patrick Murphy has turned against his fellow soldiers. That, according to such outstanding conservative groups like the Family Research Council. By ramming the Murphy Amendment, which would end Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, through Congress, Murphy is putting our nation’s heroes at risk. Because unless his amendment is withdrawn, Republicans will have no choice but to oppose the Defense Authorization Bill.

What do you make of this?